I love a good meal as much as the next guy, and believe me, there are some tasty eats out there. Steak is delicious, frozen yogurt bars are irresistible, the list goes on. But I think it’s ridiculous that I MUST eat. Other diversions in life, some more enjoyable than stuffing my face, often require so much time that I don’t feel like stopping just to chew some crap and sit there, drinking some crap, and so forth. Plus, starvation occurs on this planet, meaning your body suffers consequences for not eating on a regular basis. What is that about? Forced mastication? Eating should be a luxury, something done now and then as one pleases, but not required to survive. Even worse in the current way of things, there are person-by-person dietary biases regarding food and drink, which more often than not, cannot be circumvented. Some people are “hypoglycemic”, even “lactose intolerant”, meaning too much, if not all dairy, causes serious pain. Restrictions in such ways should not exist.
Breathing As A Requirement
What is this oxygen nonsense? I rely on some kind of crap I can’t even see to live my life? I can’t go deep sea diving on a whim because my lungs can’t convert the water into oxygen. Stupid. People have also reported suffocating and even drowning in this world, caused by lack of oxygen, which by all accounts of survivors, is a painful and burning ordeal. This life factor has also made going into outer space that much more costly and dangerous, making intergalactic traveling a constant on-edge experience. Finding ways to breath at high altitudes in particular just adds to the frustration of exploration and it sucks. Breathing sucks, and sneezing doesn’t help: an obnoxious and repetitive action out of some desperate form to protect your air passages. Additionally, snots are sticky pieces of crap that build up in your nose, requiring regular cleaning and adding to life just one more gross element that can be exploited in offensive and disgusting ways (usually among sick little kids). Sneezing and snots are stupid and at the core of this problem is breathing as a requirement.
Bones and Teeth Breaking
So this ultra-tough material that holds up our bodies can still break and, due to being tied to our nervous system, hurts like a son of a bitch when broken? Lame. Plus, it’s a squeamish sight to see and it makes a person vulnerable to all kinds of infection, or just emotional pain. No more bones breaking because that is just a huge defect. Teeth are great for eating (see above), but get this: certain things you eat, that are otherwise fine for you to eat, may discolor and/or erode your teeth. Wow. Great. First eating is a must, then these shoddy “teeth” need regular care and yet still can be chipped, broken, or lost. Plus, once again there’s pain involved, which is ridiculous and should not occur.
Diseases and Cancer
Immune systems need to get their act together, because not only did we never ask to be born, but we have to put up with the risk of “infection” from the minute we’re conceived. Crazy “diseases” happen that cause us to be all messed up, like toying with our senses or causing pain during basic functions. There are far too many to list, but just know that several of them cause gross visuals, as well as bad stenches and so on. Worse of all, the biggest baddy out of a list of defects — including leukemia, stomach flu, and others — is cancer. Cancer, as of this article, has no widely known or accepted cure, hurts you the most and slowly kills you, against your will. Some people have even been lucky enough to survive cancer and rid their bodies of it, but not without unwanted pain, and mostly, survival is not the case for most people. Cancer is a piece of crap and it’s ridiculous that it’s among us. All diseases are crap.
Unwanted Orifice Excretions
Stupid body situation, yet again. Eating food often results in bodies breaking down said food and expelling gas from their assholes, known as “farts”. But on top of this, the human digestive track makes solids out of the parts of food it doesn’t need, and we actually have to take time out of the day to squat and push feces from our rear ends. It’s gross and smells horrible. Sometimes the process of crapping even hurts, and the feces is not good to be eaten because it will make you sick, so it’s not even recyclable from a dietary standpoint. No more crapping, or cleaning up our rear ends from crapping. From now on, all expelling of waste should be done through farts. Our digestive tracks should be able to go a step further and break down the solids to gas at all times, so when you fart, it does the job of crapping. As a bonus, farts should no longer smell like crap, but instead be without stench or at least have the smell of the food or drink you consumed. Additionally, females bleed every month during their menstrual cycles, which is an obnoxious chore to females and gross to both genders. Instead, the blood, once expelled, should be internally recyclable. While we’re at it, vomiting shouldn’t occur, as our stomachs should be able to handle absolutely any substance without a problem and make it a fart. Get your act together, abdomens.
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